How It’s Going, in three Haikus

What I miss these days
is a lightness of being

Things now seem heavy —

jumping from crisis

to crisis, duties to cross

off on some checklist —

the burden of proof
that I am engaged — I am

carrying my weight 

Silence does indeed speak volumes

 I will never stand with extremists. As long as Bibi and Hamas are running things, expect more of the same, and none of my support. 

 A world in which people are getting their information from social media sites designed to divide and anger people is not the world we should be living in.

What I miss the most these days is a sense of lightness of being. Everything seems so heavy now, like jumping from crisis to crisis, duty to duty, checklist to checklist, obligation to obligation - and the burden of proof that I am carrying my weight. 

 Sobriety can be isolating sometimes. 

Vacation coming

I've been ready for this vacation for a bit now. I need a break form work, some perspective. I am looking forward to seeing my mom, sister, brother in law, nephew, brother, and for my mom to see how big the girls have grown. Perspective. Time to go home again with the mask mandate and other divisive things in the rear view window. Time to see old friends, old places, even if for just a little while. I know Bob Dylan said don't look back in some movie back in the 1960s. But he looks back all the time, and so do I. That doesn't mean it isn't time to move on from things that have gotten stale, but it's okay to look back once in a while, even if just to reconnect to a sense of who you are, where you come from, and realize how far you've come. 

It feels like a crossroads. I guess part of that is due to a remodel project we have coming, and a temporary move in less than a month to our friend's house we'll be renting for however long this remodel takes. It is my hope that I will never have to live in a place that only has one bathroom for the rest of my life. But I know some day I may not have a choice in matters such as those. My mom has been in a nursing home for four years, almost five now, for example. Anyway, the real bonus of this move will be that the girls will have their own bedrooms from here on out, starting about June 19th which, incidentally, is Juneteenth and my Grandpa Barney's 128th birthday. We haven't moved anywhere in 14 years, and this is the only home Brenna has ever known (and Liv in terms of what she remembers). Here is a picture of Liv on the day we moved into our Montana St. House. 

Post

Join me on Post! Follow me at https://post.news/@/swanwilliam

That's it, that's the post. 

But seriously, twitter was becoming bad for my mental health anyway, designed for provoking outrage at every turn. The new Post platform is still young, and I can't say it solves the problem aforementioned, but at least it's not owned by a right wing psychopath. 

Speaking of mental health, I'm taking one of those days today. Well, in part I'm taking the day off to be there for Liv as she navigates through the end of the school year. At present she's one of those kids that comes in the clutch at the very last minute, after long periods of procrastination. The OEA strike so close to the end of the school year did not help in that focus. While they bargained over what to do about the homeless with less than three weeks left of the school year, many kids derailed a bit. 

Anyway, the other part of it is a kind of taking stock. At first I was gonna call it a "darkness retreat" day in the spirit of my (very much former) boy Aaron Rodgers, but as I was taking off the back yard furniture rain covers for, hopefully, the last time until this fall, I realized that, since I might be spending some time back there today reading my book, I'm gonna call it a "lightness retreat" instead. 

I'm reading this book, by the way: https://www.amazon.com/Anyone-Who-Ever-Asks-Converse/dp/0593187369/ref=asc_df_0593187369/?tag=hyprod-20&linkCode=df0&hvadid=598269409894&hvpos=&hvnetw=g&hvrand=5544667541772758368&hvpone=&hvptwo=&hvqmt=&hvdev=c&hvdvcmdl=&hvlocint=&hvlocphy=9032059&hvtargid=pla-1719832502296&psc=1

And I am also thinking of this old song of mine: https://soundcloud.com/swanwilliam/04-so-long-again?in=swanwilliam/sets/bill-swan-1996-2002&si=b6233d5ced0d4f9d875fb355f9d07436&utm_source=clipboard&utm_medium=text&utm_campaign=social_sharing

Verse 1:

When your feelings have crossed

over the bridge

and you're so separated now, you can't bereave

A valuable thing

you learn from loss

is no regrets, you take away what you've found

is you can take yourself away from the found

Chorus:

So long, again

It seems I've been around

too long, again

but I've found my way out

etc.

Not that I usually go out of the way to explain my often vague lyrics anymore, but I tried to explore both meanings of the word "bereave" all those years ago: 

bereave

verb

be·​reave bi-ˈrēv  bē-

bereaved or bereft bi-ˈreft  bē- ; bereaving

transitive verb

1

: to deprive of something —usually used with of

Madam, you have bereft me of all words …

—William Shakespeare

2

: to take away (a valued or necessary possession) especially by force