Ok, here's the thing about suicide: You will not be able to put together a cogent narrative to create peace for yourself. In doing that, you will always have more questions than answers. It's common for people to look for the "cause" or something/someone to point the finger at to blame. Doesn't work. I learned this ten years ago and now I am re-learning it again. I'm sorry, but I can't subscribe to the notion that this is all part of god's "plan." Doesn't work. I can't blame it on drugs. That's not it. Could it be that someone got my friend started on drugs, and I should blame whoever that is? There's a little problem with that, and it's called "free will." We do not always know the consequences of our actions and where they will lead, but none of that is relevant here. Neither is the notion that depression is simply a disease in the same way that getting cancer or having a heart condition is a disease. That's also an oversimplification. There's a reason why therapy is always recommended (but not often followed) when the doctor signs off on that prozac prescription, or whatever. Even then, just because something is treatable doesn't mean it can always be cured. And while I violently disagree with the premises in this regard with creationism, some things are a mystery. That doesn't mean you give up trying, but it also doesn't mean you're going to ever find "the answer," much less make peace with something that doesn't make any goddamned sense.