Ever since the Dems were outmaneuvered on the Murtha proposal last month, I've had that sinking feeling, now confirmed: The Democrats are blowing it. We will not gain shit in the midterms, due to infighting. Nancy Pelosi is a joke. A "latte liberal" everywhere else in the country, and considered a conservative, pro-business democrat in her own district. And when folks in your own party in places like North Dakota are telling DNC leader Howard Dean (a little loose at the lip but has the sack to stand up to the GOP) to "shut up" it just makes everyone look bad. Pelosi's basically admitting that there's no cohesion in the party. And...she's right of course. But that doesn't make her "RIGHT."

I'm not a hippie, but something seems amiss in the cosmos. All signs are pointing to a change in direction. I'm not sure what that means yet, but I do know that my present course is a dirt road off the main highway and the brush is getting thicker. At least the Pack managed to win a game. In Gado we Trust.

The "I love the 00s" retrospective is becoming sharper in focus. Current "pet rocks":

Myspace. Friendster. "Internet 2.0." "How does 1% and a flat $99 fee sound for a new mortgage. Hi, this is Barney Aldridge, and that sounds like the best deal I've ever heard of." Snake Oil salesmen selling eventual bankruptcy to a generation of folks who can't afford that $600,000 house in the Bay Area on their slacker income. vCast (yet more wireless airtime for extremely tiny clips on a phone when you can do the same with iPod). TiVo (in name only. the Mosaic of the zips). And, of course, blogging.

Things that will endure: iPods/mp3s/podcasts and iPod video, VoIP and Skype, Wi-fi, Broken English, emoticons and abbreviations like "lol," the Decline and Fall of Western Civilization.

Merry Christmas.

Last night ABC News chose to highlight excerpts of John Lennon's well known 1970 interview as the 25th Anniversary of his Assassination approaches. And now I realize why, but I didn't last night. I guess they're releasing audio of it.

The interview is one that I first read in my mailroom days, but I had also read the 1980 Playboy interview which, I think, is a better representation of the man. Last night I got a little peeved that they would highlight the somewhat bitter 1970 interview...and got me to thinking that it's the conservative conspiracy to take over the news media, etc. etc., to cast our hero in a more negative light. But that interview's been in the public domain for years, and I think anyone who wants to read that one should do it side by side with the Playboy 1980 interview to get a proper perspective.

Rant over.

With the football season written off and the work day slow, I'm a bit bored these days, fumbling around the internet with nary a purpose. I've been reading a book my mom gave me, "Evening in the Palace of Reason," which is based on a meeting between J.S. Bach and Frederick the Great of Prussia, and is a loose history of that time frame, of the 30 years war and the reformation, among other things. It gets a bit dry when the subject of counterpoint is discussed in detail, but I've always been a sucker for a good bit of historial writing from a different angle. I'm still playing catch-up in the education dept. in many ways. How do you explain someone who barely read fiction as a child and then goes on to get an English and Political Science degree, when his real goal was a career in music? I still don't know what I want to be when I grow up. But I'm glad I'm here, aimless boredom notwithstanding.

Ok, here's the thing about suicide: You will not be able to put together a cogent narrative to create peace for yourself. In doing that, you will always have more questions than answers. It's common for people to look for the "cause" or something/someone to point the finger at to blame. Doesn't work. I learned this ten years ago and now I am re-learning it again. I'm sorry, but I can't subscribe to the notion that this is all part of god's "plan." Doesn't work. I can't blame it on drugs. That's not it. Could it be that someone got my friend started on drugs, and I should blame whoever that is? There's a little problem with that, and it's called "free will." We do not always know the consequences of our actions and where they will lead, but none of that is relevant here. Neither is the notion that depression is simply a disease in the same way that getting cancer or having a heart condition is a disease. That's also an oversimplification. There's a reason why therapy is always recommended (but not often followed) when the doctor signs off on that prozac prescription, or whatever. Even then, just because something is treatable doesn't mean it can always be cured. And while I violently disagree with the premises in this regard with creationism, some things are a mystery. That doesn't mean you give up trying, but it also doesn't mean you're going to ever find "the answer," much less make peace with something that doesn't make any goddamned sense.